Baa #15

-A joke i overheard-

A little girl brings along her pet kitten to class one day.
Curious, her teacher approaches the little girl, and asks

Teacher:
Why did you bring your little friend to class today?

Girl:
I heard my dad said that he would do something horrible to kitty!
That's why i brought her with me today.

Teacher:
Oh dear. Now what did he say he would do?

Girl:
I heard daddy tell mommy that: "I'm gonna eat that pussy!"

-end-

Baa #14

Me:
I'll be switching our ISP from Broadband to Cable in a couple of days.
It'll be awesome!

Snowflower:
That's cool.
But wait, what about your Facebook and MSN accounts?
Do you have to make a backup, or re-create them from scratch?

-end-

Baa #13

Bald Monk:
When you mention the board game "RISK", there will be two types of people - each with their own reaction.

The first type:
"RISK"? I've only heard about it, and have never played it before. Sounds awesome.
Shall we try it out one day?

The second type:
"RISK"? "RISK"?! The insanely rubbish boardgame that takes forever to finish and is a constant challenge to bore yourself to death?
"RISK"!?! EARGHH!!!

-end-

Baa #12

In vein of explaining how things work...

Me:
Every wonder how does companies make packaged shelled nuts?
I mean, when you open a pack of honey-roasted hazelnuts or peanuts without the shell, wonder how they do it?

Simple!

Firstly, the nuts are put into a machine where huge hammers bash away at them, cracking the hard shells.
Then, special nut magnets are used to suck the nuts away from the battered shells.
Of course, different magnets are used for different nuts - you have sunflower seed magnets for sunflower seeds, walnut magnets for walnuts and peanut magnets for peanuts!

And all they have to do, is collect the nuts from the magnets and package them!

-end-

Baa #11

Jo-kun:
Do you know the principle in quantum theory know as Schrodinger's Cat?

In short, the theory dictates that a cat is placed inside a box with a radioactive substance, which might or might not decay.
If the substance decays, the cat would die a horrible death.
If the substance does not, the cat would be horribly bored.

Because of the cat being in the box, we cannot know if the cat is DEAD or BORED. According to quantum physics, the cat is both alive and dead at the same time, in a superposition of states.

It is only when an we open the box, the superposition is lost - and the cat becomes either DEAD or BORED. As such, the outcome (from many different outcomes) can only exist when an observation is made.

...

That is exactly what Magic booster packs are. COCK or JACE.

-end-

Baa #10

Everyone is talented at something.
Some talents are, unfortunately, better than others.

Will:
This guy always eats so cleanly, not even leaving a speck of food behind.
Heck he even licks the plate spotless after he finishes!

Julian:
You know what? That guy could be a really good serial killer.
He kills and disposes of the body by eating it.
So clean that he eats all traces of the body, bones and all.
And when the cops come, he can shrug and say:" What murder? There's no body, no evidence!"

-end-

Baa #9

The Auditor:
You do not ever compare an auditor's workload with a banker.
You do not ever compare an auditor's work hours with a banker.

Ever.

We eat 12 hour workdays for breakfast every morning!

You know what?
The only one class which can compare with an auditor is probably a construction worker.

-end-